Corporate American't

I’ve been to several placement services and I don’t mind telling you that up until today, I wasn’t impressed.

Up until today I’ve been interviewed by women nearly ten years younger than me, many of whom have looked their nose down at me. The offices are cramped, the women can’t wait to get me out of there and they’re more concerned with filling receptionist positions than what they’ve originally called me in for. I get it, receptionists are difficult to get. But that’s another post. Today’s post is discussing what is passing for office appropriate clothing.

Yesterday’s interview had me driving to the Biltmore area, across the street from the first apartment my family lived in when we moved here. The office building had just begun being built at that time so I was looking forward to seeing how it turned out. The place is lovely. I walked through a nice seating area, passed many offices with beveled glass and heavy custom wood doors. I was impressed. I rode the elevator to the second floor, strode down the hallway with the lovely deep pile carpeting and swung open the custom door to be faced with the office equivalent of a trailer park. The nice receptionist asked for my name and told me to have a seat to fill out paperwork. This gave me a great view of her outfit: black dress shoes and slacks and this odd purple shirt that (seriously) was both a blouse and a halter top. Way too casual on top for the dressy bottom. It was a mullet outfit! And when she reached down to get more copy paper, the entire waiting area was treated to an ample view of her breasts.

The next woman I saw was hanging pictures and tidying up the space because they’d just had it painted. She was in a see-thru white stretch shirt with a black bra to match her black, dingy capris. I was stunned when I saw she was also barefoot. After filling out my paperwork and taking some typing tests in a room the size of a Post-It, I was led to my meeting with the actual hiring person. Oh wait, no I wasn’t. She sent her assistant. This person’s clothing was better but by then I already had a bad taste in my mouth. I doubt I’ll hear back from them but you’ll hear about that in my next post about receptionist positions.

I walked slowly back through the seating area when I was done, just to get a glimpse of other potential employees and hit the jackpot. One woman was in sweats, another was wearing stripper heels and had hair down past her butt that was still wet from (I hope) her shower.

Last week’s interview was conducted by a woman who commented that she’d eaten too much at lunch and unbuttoned her slacks in the interview. Classy! And the week before that was the receptionist who had on skinny jeans and no panties. THIS is who is deciding the next step in my career?

Today’s interview was again in the Biltmore area. I’d spoken with this woman at length the previous night and we hit it off right away. I arrived at today’s appointment and saw again a lovely building. But this was different because the office looked great, the receptionist was in appropriate attire and the woman who interviewed me spent forty minutes going over what I’m looking for and even gave me great tips on my résumé, after complimenting it the night before. In short it was a great experience and I emailed her when I got home to tell her as much. And my name is now on the short list to be interviewed at the Mayo Clinic.

Today’s lie: Stripper apparel is the new office attire.

Game Over. Play Again?

All this time I’ve been sending résumés I’ve learned something: job hunting is like playing video games, which I’m fairly good at. And no, not because that’s all I’ve been spending my unemployed time doing. Let me paint you a picture.

When you start a video game for the first time, there’s typically a few minutes that is like a movie. It lays out the backstory and lets you know what your mission is. In job hunting terms, that means the story begins where you’ve lost your job and go home to work on getting a new one. For video games the screen then goes black and inquires if you’re playing with more than one person. In my case, I’m Player One since no one is depending on me. This might seem daunting to go this alone but I find adding Player Two just confuses things and its difficult (though not impossible) to tag team.

Level One of the video game usually has you collecting items as you move through the board. A sword, coins, information from random characters; in short there’s no adversarial aspects and it’s a jumping off point. For job hunting it’s updating your résumé. Nothing scary about that and you’ve collected worthwhile things. Knowledge, letters of reference, coins.

But just like a video game gets slightly more difficult as you continue, so too does the job hunting. Level Two of video games still has you acquiring items but there are a few bad guys to slow your progress.  When job hunting this is when you to get a few calls about your résumé but nothing to email home about. That’s like losing all your lives and having to start over.

Most video games have a ‘secret’ area that can be difficult to find. It’s usually an area that gives information, more coins and extra weaponry. Many gamers ask other gamers for tips. In the employment game, you ask for help too. I asked a friend of the family to review my résumé. She’s like my secret for dealing with the corporate world.

With her tips I restarted the game by posting my newly improved résumé online. I was then able to better navigate to other levels faster. And by that I mean I was getting calls for interviews with quality companies. I’m avoiding the bad guys (useless placement staff) and attempting to put myself ahead of other job candidates. Some of whom bear a striking resemblance to those mushroom guys in Mario Bros. I’m hoping to make it to the final level of the game, employment. In a gamer’s world, that means there’s an end battle of epic proportions with a lot of action happening but if you conquer the end guy (yeah they call it that) then you’ve completed your journey. However I’ve never given up on a video game without beating it and I won’t give up on this. I’ll just have to restart the game and continue.

Today’s lie: Thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle.

Ms Kennedy Goes to Washington

There’s an old Spanish proverb that says, “it’s always darkest before the dawn”. I find that quite appropriate since I’m awake and still searching for a job. Now that its after midnight I can say I’ve been out of work for one month today. In the span of things that’s not at all a long time. But to my bank account that’s a lifetime.

No, I’m not homeless; I’m still in my apartment. But if things continue I’ll be moving into my parents’ home at the end of next month. That’s not a thought I relish. Not because I don’t get along with my parents, we have a great relationship. It’s because by moving back with them means I’m still unemployed. I’ve got a very strong work ethic and being unemployed means I can’t exercise that ethic.

I’ve been working out, sticking with my eating plan, writing a lot and lying low to preserve of funds.  If I do any less I’d be mistaken for a member of Congress.  

Come to think of it, I should run for office in a national race. I’d run of a platform based on moderation, telling voters I’m going clean up the corruption that’s rampant in DC. Since that place won't ever change no one would expect me to follow through. I could go on speaking tours in a large bus that’s terrible for the environment, while telling everyone I recycle because I’m a friend to the Earth. Trips all over the world paid for the taxpayers under the guise of a ‘fact finding mission’ would allow me to visit all manner of countries and when constituents grow tired of my not doing anything productive, I can just go on television and blame the sitting President and/or the other political party.  I'd sit on on CSPAN but since all they do is argue over one another, I just have to look angry and point out that by questioning my lack of productivity, that's questioning my patriotism.

Oh there could be some scandal that puts me in the hot seat but friends will tell you I’m drama-free. I’m openly heterosexual and single which may not sit well with the religious right but I could always pacify them by saying I’m on doing God’s work.

There’s no Halliburton in my work history so there’s no conflict of interest with government contracts. And since it was a large corporation that laid me off, I can really use that to appeal to the working man. I could go to my home state of MI and rally the unemployed auto workers and promise to get them back to work if they just throw a few bucks my way.

And when I’m eventually voted out of office for talking a big game but not doing a blessed thing, I could write my memoirs, touting my lifetime health benefits all congressional members receive and wrap myself in the American flag on the cover.

Today’s lie: a vote for me is a vote for truth, justice and the American way.

Keep Calm & Carry On

When we’re young there are all sorts of things to learn: tying shoes, riding a bike without training wheels, the alphabet, how to count. Mastering these small tasks gives a sense of accomplishment. Praise is given and parents tell you what a big kid you are. But if you’ve ever spent time with a young child, you know some things are more tricky to learn and even harder to teach.

This past weekend I babysat my friend Jennifer’s daughter Olivia. She asked to play the board game Trouble and was frustrated I won and she hid under her parents’ bed momentarily, saying it wasn’t fair.  With some coaxing I got her to come out and reminded her that it’ll take practice and patience. I left their house quite amused that a game like Trouble could cause Olivia to be upset that she wasn’t winning.

This week it will be a month since I lost my job. I’m upset I’m not winning at being employed and it’s causing me to want to hide under my parents’ bed and deem the situation not fair. Trouble indeed.

Patience is a tough thing to teach and even tougher to learn. An explanation of the word is sufficient for small children but putting it into practice, no matter your age, is very trying. I get frustrated and angry that I’m not getting the interviews I think I should be. I find my patience with the situation wearing thin at times and it’s hard to keep my spirits up. Friends wish me well on my quest for employment and it’s well-meaning and I deeply appreciate their words of kindness but that’s not getting me any phone calls from potential employers.

So how does one learn patience? By facing a situation you have no control over and attempting to remain calm. It’s maddening to say the least. To tackle this I’m rewriting my résumé, checking the classifieds daily, registering with temp agencies and reminding myself I’m not the only person searching for a job.

Today’s lie: I’ve mastered patience and no longer need this lesson.

Occupy Wall Street

I’ve been out of work three weeks today. Many others have been out of work for much longer. It’s disheartening to pound the pavement looking for work but I do what I can to keep my chin up. I don’t have a husband, children or a mortgage so the only person affected by my job loss is me. And the economy.

I did find some entertainment when I was on the treadmill at the gym today. Fox News was on Wall Street speaking with protestors who want answers and to some extent, retribution. They (and we) are tired of investors who have been bailed out, tired of hearing rich politicians tell us times are tough but ‘we’ll come through this together as a nation’. I want to speak with the hedge fund managers, leaders at all levels of government, heads of industries and ask them how they feel things are going to get better. What are they doing to pump money into the economy? Many protestors said they were tired of being educated but jobless, being ignored and marginalized by lawmakers and disgusted by the handouts given to corporations (not to mention tax cuts) when the average citizen doesn’t have that. The response from the ‘reporters’ was surprising. They mocked those gathered on Wall Street, calling them hippies, saying they are leaderless and need to get a job.

I was stunned by their response. I shouldn’t be, its Fox Channel and they are deeply Republican which means they are in bed with big business. What stunned me more was their ‘let them eat cake’ attitude. These reporters (I chuckle when using that term for this particular group of people) actually said on national television that these protestors were (wait for it) anti-American. Excuse me but its gathering to protest something in the Bill of Rights? Our entire way of life was built on people not being happy with being taxed to death, having absolutely no say and then being taxed again by the king. True, we have no royalty in this country but I’d be willing to make an argument that those in the 1% tax bracket are what we would consider nobility. They’re well-educated, moneyed and full of self-assurance. They also tend to act entitled though they’re not titled in the monarchy sense. And they mock those who only want a better future.

In the span of three weeks I’ve lost my job, health insurance, had to give notice that I’m vacating my apartment, sign up for food stamps and unemployment while the talking heads on Fox are telling viewers  the protestors are getting in their way and slowing down their drive to their Hampton homes for an end of summer BBQ.

I’m saddened at the state our economy is in, I’m angry with silly politicians and I’m disgusted with what passes for news on Fox. Their behavior was so ridiculous I thought I was watching the Colbert Report.

Today’s lie: better times for the economy are just around the corner.

This is What I pay Taxes For?

Yesterday I had job interviews.  I’ve got my second round of interviews on Friday. I’ve also been arguing with the Department of Economic Security about unemployment. My state is strapped for cash because the housing crash really affected Arizona so there’s more hoops to jump through now than just a few years ago. With all the back and forth phone calls, running to copy and fax machines and getting people documents, sending resumes and researching companies, I’m pooped! Who knew being unemployed would leave me with so little time.

I’ve having to prove to the state of Arizona that I’m a legal resident, was gainfully employed until recently and remind the state that I dutifully paid taxes. I’ve been funding those who are out of work and those who use welfare and unemployment checks as a lifestyle. This makes me angry. Please don’t misunderstand; I’m more than happy to help those who truly cannot work because of mental or physical limitations. But when I turn on the news and see a homeless woman say she’s living in a friend’s garage with her two children and her infant, I want to shake my fists in rage. This woman has been out of work for three years. She was a housekeeper for a hotel but due to the drop in tourism here (which this state depends on to some extent) she was let go from her job. I’m sorry for her but she now has a three week old to care for. How did getting pregnant when you already can’t care for your children sound like a good idea?

When I initially signed up for unemployment and state insurance, I had to answer questions that I’ve never been asked before: do I know who my father is, can I prove it, are my parents here legally and am I really a citizen of the state of Arizona? I provided a copy of my birth certificate, my paternal lineage is a sure thing and I’ve been living and paying taxes in this state for thirteen years. I don’t like that I have to rely on the state but I’ll answer their questions. I do, however, raise an eyebrow when the unemployment office asks if I have a husband to ‘pay my way’ until I find another job. This person was disheartened when I stated I’ve never been married and I’ve been paying my own way for years.

I’m going to need state help until I’m employed again. I understand the state help has been pushed to the limit due to enormous strain from all the unemployed people. I’m not going to rail against immigrants but I’m none too pleased that its easier for illegal immigrants to receive benefits that I am having difficulty obtaining. I’m sure those families aren’t living in luxury but I’m fairly certain I pay more in taxes than they do. Do you know I was told it would be easier if I had a child? Apparently illegitimate children make it easier to receive government assistance. Like a sucker I went to college and got on birth control. I’m not sure what the American dream looks like now but I’m wondering if it’s not a dream so much as a nightmare.

Today’s lie: everything will be better in the morning.