There’s an old Spanish proverb that says, “it’s always darkest before the dawn”. I find that quite appropriate since I’m awake and still searching for a job. Now that its after midnight I can say I’ve been out of work for one month today. In the span of things that’s not at all a long time. But to my bank account that’s a lifetime.
No, I’m not homeless; I’m still in my apartment. But if things continue I’ll be moving into my parents’ home at the end of next month. That’s not a thought I relish. Not because I don’t get along with my parents, we have a great relationship. It’s because by moving back with them means I’m still unemployed. I’ve got a very strong work ethic and being unemployed means I can’t exercise that ethic.
I’ve been working out, sticking with my eating plan, writing a lot and lying low to preserve of funds. If I do any less I’d be mistaken for a member of Congress.
Come to think of it, I should run for office in a national race. I’d run of a platform based on moderation, telling voters I’m going clean up the corruption that’s rampant in DC. Since that place won't ever change no one would expect me to follow through. I could go on speaking tours in a large bus that’s terrible for the environment, while telling everyone I recycle because I’m a friend to the Earth. Trips all over the world paid for the taxpayers under the guise of a ‘fact finding mission’ would allow me to visit all manner of countries and when constituents grow tired of my not doing anything productive, I can just go on television and blame the sitting President and/or the other political party. I'd sit on on CSPAN but since all they do is argue over one another, I just have to look angry and point out that by questioning my lack of productivity, that's questioning my patriotism.
Oh there could be some scandal that puts me in the hot seat but friends will tell you I’m drama-free. I’m openly heterosexual and single which may not sit well with the religious right but I could always pacify them by saying I’m on doing God’s work.
There’s no Halliburton in my work history so there’s no conflict of interest with government contracts. And since it was a large corporation that laid me off, I can really use that to appeal to the working man. I could go to my home state of MI and rally the unemployed auto workers and promise to get them back to work if they just throw a few bucks my way.
And when I’m eventually voted out of office for talking a big game but not doing a blessed thing, I could write my memoirs, touting my lifetime health benefits all congressional members receive and wrap myself in the American flag on the cover.
Today’s lie: a vote for me is a vote for truth, justice and the American way.
No comments:
Post a Comment