Exceptance Speech

We’ve come to a period in history that should be celebrated. In recent years three women have attempted to secure their party’s nomination for the highest office in the land. That’s quite an accomplishment.

As one of the candidates once said, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. That could also be applied loosely to this moment. It takes many a pioneer to reach this moment. Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and many others dedicated their lives to women’s suffrage in a time when it was unheard of. Margaret Sanger took it a step further by demanding women have control over their reproductive choices. Elizabeth Blackwell broke ground by becoming the first female physician. Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem brought a new wave of feminism into the modern era. We all owe them many thanks.

So it is with a heavy heart and a mix of shock and horror when I see who was making noises about running in the upcoming election: Michele Bachman and Sarah Palin. This is what modern feminism has produced? Females have endured patriarchal societies, jail and public humiliation for these two women to garner national attention. And they’re squandering their opportunity.

I admit I was pleased to hear Palin isn’t running in this election cycle. Her gosh howdy demeanor and complete lack of understanding of public policy was a sight to behold last time around. But Michele Bachman is running this time. Like many deeply conservative Republicans, she spews hate and spreads fear. But for me the kicker was that this lawyer seemed to be unable or unwilling to grasp facts. I gave her the benefit of the doubt in the beginning, thinking perhaps her staff hadn’t properly prepped her. But listening to early debates has left me breathless at her monumental stupidity and afraid if she wins.

It got me wondering what it is about a strong, intelligent woman that scares American voters. What was it about Hillary that her party wouldn’t give her their blessing? Many thought she came across as a shrew, a ball-buster. Someone even called her a femi-nazi. But no one really said why they felt that way. What about her was so emasculating or intimidating that she couldn’t be Commander in Chief?

Are we devolving or are we as a nation just not ready to see a female in such a leadership position? We want someone strong, not afraid to make the toughest of choices and to lead our country to greatness. Does any of this sound like something Michele Bachman could handle? Are we still idealizing that image of homemaker or working mom? A woman who bakes her kids cookies couldn’t possibly cope with the pressure of President?

I’m thankful for those who came before me. Their passion and determination is what allows me to vote, marry and divorce as I choose, build a career, own property, all without permission from a man. But I’m worried we as a whole cannot seem to shake off those last vestiges of unrealistic idealism that seem to be holding us back from having a female as President. And I worry that all we’re left to choose from are women who set us back decades with their caricatures of how women ‘should’ behave.

Today’s lie: we’ll soon usher in an era where women will be thought of as equals on a global level in the political arena.

An Epic Tale

Our tale begins as many stories do. A working girl (nope not that kind) was diligently toiling during the day in a down economy, while lovingly crafting her book at night. Cobbling together thoughts and words that would drive Hemingway to drink (because what didn’t?) and Austen to wish Mr. Darcy would put her out of her misery (the original Carrie Bradshaw).

This fine lass was bothered by incessant itching. Nightly she’d claw at her skin and beg for relief; morning time she would rise to greet the day with bits of blood and skin under her nails. Lotion brought no comfort, nor Benadryl. One morning at work when the itching was too much, she called for help from her primary care physician. After detailing her woes, the nurse practitioner saw fit to check for liver damage brought on by our heroine’s blood pressure medication. This was for naught though it was a small blessing to know organs were not being damaged. Our damsel asked said NP for guidance and was gently rebuffed, the NP literally shrugging off the pleas for assistance.

Enter the trusty sidekick, a young woman with a burgeoning entrepreneurial spirit named Jennifer. This woman gifted our protagonista (just made that word up) with information that proved to be invaluable: the name of her dermatologist. After procuring an appointment our leading lady faced a series of grueling challenges (think Lord of the Rings) that included blood, urine and egad, stool samples. Weeping into her new pillow at night she’d cry out, WTF is wrong with me?!

After relegating her bed linens to the trash, facing down potential dust mites, enduring cool showers and numerous applications of much lotion, this oracle, gave our tired, now poor, claw-ravaged woman words of comfort, saying, “I can’t find anything. See an allergist.” Augh! More tests, more waiting and now in a drug-induced stupor, our leading lady was beginning to lose hope. But fear not, for our tale is about to take a most fortuitous turn.

At the urging of her mother, a wise woman with much experience in allergies, told her daughter of a man with vast knowledge could help. But who was this person? “A name, I must have his name!” It was then that our protagonista (seriously I should call Webster’s) began the last leg of her epic journey, to the enchanted AZ Asthma & Allergy.

Weary and losing hope, this leading lady made her way to this magic man. He finally gave her the prognosis she’s been searching for: non-specific itching! And do you know what happened after that? The itching stopped, the spell had been broken and she lived happily ever after.

Today’s lie: this journey wasn’t at all frustrating or expensive.

Are You Not Entertained

Ah the 1980s. I remember them well. Gorbachev had torn down that wall, Mary Lou Retton was a fresh-faced teenager and Madonna had taken over a channel called MTV. I also remember the 80s as the decade I first threw a hissy fit about politics. I had never heard of Gary Hart’s Monkey Business and knew nothing about the Iran Contra scandal. I was just a small town girl (I wasn’t small the town was) when I came home from playing My Little Pony with a friend and turned on the television before dinner. There weren’t remote controls at that time so it took a few minutes for the TV to warm up. I settled onto the couch in the den and prepared to watch The Cosby Show. It wasn’t on and I was instead introduced to someone named Regan who looked older than my grandparents who was talking. Endlessly. The same old man was talking on all the ‘good’ channels at once? How can this be? My parents, always looking at any situation as a teaching moment, told me that back in their day the political debates were on all the major networks and there weren’t any other channels so I should be happy there were other options. God bless my parents for trying but when you’re six and all you want to do is watch the Huxtables, a lesson on being thankful for what you have just won’t cut it. I’ll have to confirm with my parents but I think it didn’t matter what other channels had to offer because my acting like such a brat ended television privileges for the night.

See what politics does? Takes a mild-mannered person and makes them a whiney six year old. It’s a scientific fact! Much like Michelle Bachmann stating this week that HPV vaccinations cause mental retardation. Huh, is that what her problem is, she got the shot?

I’m no longer that whiney six year old. I have Direct TV, Play Station 2, the internet or even a book.  I take advantage of all of these diversions but I find I have to use them more often in this campaign season. Shouldn’t there be a time limit on this sort of thing? A year in advance and already the GOP debates have been on several times. The Democrats will run Obama so there’s no Democratic debate other than what the hell happened to our party?

 I’m not complaining because I’m against Republicans; frankly I’m not dazzled by Democrats at this point and the current administration is way too weak for my taste. Are these Republican candidates looking for their next job and not doing the job they already have sworn to uphold? Or maybe it doesn’t matter. I know here in AZ when John McCain ran twice we didn’t notice because he was ineffectual even when he was in town.

Perhaps I’m being too harsh. The political debates have given Jon Stewart, Bill Maher and SNL endless things to discuss. So I’ll tune into the debates enough to know what they’re mocking. Then I’m turn into that whiney six year old girl simply because of what is coming out of politicians mouths.

Today’s lie: politicians are not out for themselves but sacrifice everything for the good of the nation.

Seeing Red

Arizona’s current governor, Jan Brewer, recently returned from China after she “led a delegation of state economic-development officials, business leaders and others whose trip included stops in Beijing and Shanghai. The trip's purpose was to make contacts intended to strengthen Arizona exports to China and promote Chinese investment in Arizona.”

That was her press release to the Arizona Republic.  She’s attempting to woo Chinese businesses to AZ to they invest in our local economy. I have no problem with free trade on a global scale but I really want to know if her trip netted any amazing contracts. There’s been no follow-up press release about this. Where’s the indignation by Arizonans? It was a tiny article and barely mentioned on the news and I’m thinking many don’t know about her trip because they’re (we) are too busy looking for work, trying to feed kids and retain our jobs in a down market because state unemployment is 9.7% and I’m now part of it. See why I have time to catch up on our governor’s comings and goings?

From what I’ve read China doesn’t need to invest in anything other than itself. They’re building at an incredible rate. They may be communists but their country is looking a whole lot better than ours at this point. China rank has reigned as the world's second largest economy after the United States since 2010. It has been the world's fastest-growing major economy, with consistent growth rates of around 10% over the past 30 years. The People’s Republic is also the largest exporter and second largest importer of goods in the world. This is according to Newsweek, Forbes and Wikipedia. Say what you will about that last source but it was confirmed by the first two sources.

Settle down, I’m not suggesting we turn to Communism as our form of government. What I’m suggesting is perhaps we woo American companies to invest in Arizona. Has she partnered with other states to get grow businesses here? Get Texans to raise cattle out here? Ask Michigan to build cars here? What about suggesting Florida orange growers come try their luck out here? Not likely because those states are also in an economic crunch and taking away what they’re known to produce could be disastrous. Perhaps Jan feels she’d be cannibalizing other states in the Union so she decided to go abroad to a country with enormous economic strength. I can see the logic but only to an extent. By the way I'd say this if she went to India or Brazil, the other two growing world super powers.

Did you know there’s been talk for eons about building a theme park here? Six Flags over Arizona. Building it would have created jobs and maintaining it would have created even more. Think of how big those amusement parks are! Six Flags over GA is 230 acres of rides, games, attractions and hotels. The Six Flags in both TX and CA are each nearly 250 acres! Instead nothing came to fruition in AZ. Six Flags sold the land to Warner Bros who let it languish for ten years before selling it to the state. And there it sits gathering more tumble weed.

The east valley built a top notch resort hotel and casino (Talking Stick) that’s helped them a bit and the west valley is proposing the same for their part of the valley (West Valley Resort) to coincide with the Cardinals football and Coyotes hockey fans. Only time will tell if these projects have a lasting impact on the local economy.

Today’s lie: My governor went all the way to China and all I got was the stupid tab.  

Reality Bites

I lost my job last Thursday. I’m not crying about it since I could read the writing on the wall and planned accordingly from a financial standpoint. I went home and immediately made plans. I’m feeling confident with my plans and today I even had an interview. But here’s what’s bugging me. As inconsequential as it is, I’m annoyed by the Kardashians and their ilk. Don’t get me wrong, they’re a photogenic bunch but I’m pounding the pavement for work and their whole claim to fame is a video of Kim getting pounded by a then-boyfriend who allegedly leaked the video. She parlayed that into a dazzling career and brought along the rest of the family so now there’s a huge Kardashian empire. Correct me if I’m wrong but that family has made a fortune off Kim lying on her back. They’ve got books, fragrances, clothing stores, clothing lines for Sears, shoes, accessories. Her brother, who seems to be comfortable living off his sisters collectively, is even on Dancing with the Stars this season. I don’t watch that show but it’s a show that by its very name, is meant to showcase stars. Meaning celebrities. What the Hell has Rob Kardashian ever contributed to society?

And while I’m picking apart reality show stars, why does Levy Johnson continue to show up in the news? He knocked a teenager up when he was in high school. Granted, it was the daughter of a politician running on a deeply conservative platform so that makes for awesome fodder on Jon Stewart’s show. But please, can someone enlighten me on how he’s got a book out and I haven’t?

Yes, I’ve been writing a book for the last three years. Don’t mistake this for being something that will make its way to the Library of Congress. It won’t be part of a college reading list and no one will reference it in their term papers. But it’s my thoughts, my world, dedicated on paper. It’s still a work in progress but I’m pleased with it thus far. But back to my griping.

I can’t cook well (Top Chef, Chopped), I can’t design clothes (Project Runway), I’m not confused with any professional mannequin (America’s Next Top Model) and I refuse to whore myself out to marry a wealthy man (Millionaire Matchmaker). Oh and you’ll not see me on an island plotting a coup (Survivor) or, should I ever getting married, parading my union as a Real Housewife of Some City. And do not get me started on the Jersey Shore cast.

My point is I’m working my ass off to get a job, to get noticed among a sea of other candidates in a slow economy and I get nowhere. Yet these nobodies are on magazine covers, doing book tours and on talk shows like The View. They may be punch lines for Anderson Cooper and given witty nicknames on Perez Hilton’s website but they’re known, for however briefly, in the country’s collective consciousness. Short of committing a heinous crime (Casey Anthony), I want to know what it takes to get noticed in a positive way. I’m not seeking fame and I’m sure not looking to have my little stories turned into a series for tweens (Twilight and Vampire Diaries) but is there nothing out there I can do that pays the bills until I get published? Something that allows me to retain some sort of integrity while I studiously craft my tales of murder and romance wrapped in wit?

Today’s lie: if Jackie Collins, Stephanie Meyer and any Kardashian can get published, maybe I can too.

Unemployed

Yea though I walk through the valley of unemployment I shall fear no creditors. What does that mean? It means I lost my job after six years. I’d worked for a home builder and made it through thirty-two rounds of layoffs. I was part of round thirty-three. But I was given a decent severance package and my vacation was cashed out. I’ll be fine for a few months.

This coming week I’ve got interviews scheduled and I’m using my last two weeks of insurance for dental and medical check-ups. I’m also trying to get to the bottom of what’s making me itch.

I’m looking forward to see what the future holds. My lease on my apartment is up so I won’t have a lease to break and if worse comes to worse, I will move back in with my parents. While I don’t relish that idea, its nice to know the door is open. And it’s a nice door to a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I won’t lose my car and I’ll be surrounded by people (and a cat) who love me.

Perhaps I’m not scared of this next step because I don’t have children to feed or clothe and no mortgage to stress about. I’m more concerned for the others that were also let go from my former company that day. They’re young mothers, sole breadwinners, wives to out of work husbands. I’m told the atmosphere of my former office is library quiet, some women quietly crying at their desks, scared if they are the next to be among the jobless.

This uncertainty isn’t keeping me awake at night like this incessant itching is. I’ve got great friends who were stunned with the news that I was out of work.

Though I do have a question, one that someone could answer if they were so inclined. Its not a question borne of bitterness or resentment, just one that I would like explained. Why are the lowly paid hourly employees the first to be let go when there’s a glut of middle management? Would it not be more prudent to let go of those employees making $60K+ a year instead of those making $30-40K? Who are these people middle managing? There’s not many left. In the case of my former employer, middle management wasn’t tasked with taking on the added responsibility of those let go. The tasks I used to complete were given to those hourly employees like I was. And they’ll tend to those tasks diligently, hoping the axe isn’t dropped on them. My former company is still too top heavy and I’d like to know the reasoning behind keeping the more expensive employees. Wouldn’t it help the bottom line more if those receiving larger paychecks were thinned from the herd?

Today’s lie: The economy will get better very soon.

What's Eating Me?

Right around when I turned thirty, I received a wonderful gift from myself; my nails, once thin and pathetic, started growing longer and stronger. I was pleased with this sudden change and proceeded to paint my nails lovely shades of the rainbow. However just after my last birthday three months ago, they started to become a hazard.

Back in early July I awakened in the middle of the night to find myself scratching at my legs. I assumed it was dry skin, applied lotion and went back to sleep.  The next morning I climbed into the shower and was startled by the blood and bits of skin under my nails. This continued for the rest of the month and because of the length of my nails, I was leaving claw marks down my legs; deep, bloody gouges over toned calves. This posed a problem in Las Vegas when I wore a LBD to a party. I continued applying lotion and stopped taking hot showers, so convinced was I that it was merely dry skin.

By late August my legs looked like I’d attempted to climb over barbed wire and I realized this was only happening at night. Dust mites! In my bed! I got rid of my expensive feather bed, body pillow and bought new sheets. That night I sat on my couch, pleased that I’d found the culprit. I sat on said couch scratching at my butt. Horror! I’d transferred the mites from the bed to the couch! The next day I set off two bug bombs at my house, then cleaned like a meth addict to remove any traces of the pesticide.

Still I was being awakened at night with incessant itching and it was at this point progressing father up my legs and down to my ankles. In my mind I went over all products I’d used but there was nothing new. Friends began asking about my choice of lotions, detergents, anything to help me find relief may a suddenly-developed food allergy?

I made an appointment for my general practitioner, who took blood because this is an early indicator of kidney failure. You see, I’m on blood pressure pills and this is a potential side effect. However the results showed no cause for alarm, my organs were fine. Because she didn’t think it was an allergy to my medication, she gave me a prescription for a steroid, telling me she didn’t think it would work but to try it anyway. Then she sent me on my way, asking no other questions of me or recommending I see an allergist or dermatologist, telling me it was my choice to see specialists. This is the downside of having a nurse practitioner born in the 1990s. She’s still a kid and didn’t understand my needs.

 Labor Day weekend was spent indoors scratching and looking up the names of dermatologists. The following Tuesday I had an appointment with a doctor after hearing recommendations from several coworkers.

After my exam, she concluded that because there was no rash, bug bites or anything obvious, she gave me a prescription to relieve the itching and help me sleep at night, since I was no longer able to due to the intense itching/scratching cycle I was in; she also sent me to a lab to have every liquid in my body tested. I’m still going through tests and will be for the next two days. After that I’ll have to wait another seven to ten days while everything is reviewed by the lab.

Yesterday at work the itching got worse and with only three hours of sleep I called the dermatologist again, telling her its spreading to my chest, arms, bottoms of my feet and scalp. Oh and my nose and shoulders are now covered in tiny bumps that itch and its raw to the touch, as is my chin. What a sight I was becoming! Lack of sleep and leper skin! Great! The sleeping pills I’d been prescribed are typically given to meth addicts coming down but they haven’t really helped me sleep. I was told to double my Zyrtec intake but until its been decided what’s waging a war within, I couldn’t be given anything else, including a broad-spectrum medication.

Thus far the doctor has determined its not my kidneys, liver, most likely not my thyroid, but a parasite. Odd, since I haven’t visited any third world nations or jungles. The culprit is most likely from under cooked meat products. Since my diet consists mostly of chicken, that’s what she’s leaning towards. In the meantime I’m using the Cetaphil shower gel and lotion she gave me, refraining from perfumes or anything scented, and trying my best not to scratch. The skin on my legs is starting to heal, the deep cuts dry with blood, bumpy while trying to heal itself. When I run my fingertips over them it feels like braille. I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on prescriptions, doctor visits, lab work, hydrocortisone creams and Benadryl in the last two weeks.

Today’s lie: this will all be over soon.

Frenemies?

When meeting people for a meal at a restaurant, its usually the same routine: we’re seated, handed menus and the waitperson arrives to take our drink order and give the specials. We’ve all done this countless times, with little to no thought. But have you ever sat across from a friend or relative who asks with a gleam in their eye ‘what are you getting’? Sure, who hasn’t? But there are those dining companions who aren’t asking out of mere curiosity so much as using you as a gauge. If you order something fattening, they can too with no guilt. Its win-win!

I have many friends, some fat, some not. But what they all have in common is they wouldn’t dream of sabotaging my efforts to get and remain healthy.  They don’t try to tempt me into splitting an appetizer drenched in ranch dressing, goad me into ordering an entrée swimming in fat or mock me for eschewing the dessert list. In short, my friends are supportive of my food choices as I remain supportive of theirs. This is not always the case.

There are times when I’m not always around them. For example at office gatherings or celebrations of those you don’t know as well, like a friend of friend’s birthday. There’s usually at least one person at the table who will try to seduce me with fried coconut shrimp with orange marmalade dipping sauce, cheesy garlic knots with ranch (wow is that an overused item) or bacon covered tater skins with (yup) ranch. I’ve been told to ‘loosen up’ or ‘enjoy the moment’ or my personal favorite, ‘live a little’.

Actually I want to live. A long time. Hence why I try to eat something healthy before I go out or at least ask for steamed veggies in place of the fries. These people don’t know me, know what I’m up against or why I make the decisions I do when ordering. But they so badly want the bacon chicken quesadilla with queso pictured on the menu that some have actually resorted to snide remarks. I once had an acquaintance chide me for declining the tempura they offered. We were at a sushi restaurant where, I’ll grant you, its much easier for me to eat. This near stranger was incensed I didn’t want to partake of their fried bits of what have you, that they actually got up and moved because I was being (their words) a snob. Sigh.

I gave this thought on the way home from that dinner, where I’d eaten all sorts of fresh fish, seafood and vegetables. Perhaps the person was feeling poorly about their own choices and turning their frustration toward me. Or the guy was a jerk since he tried to have his $50 platter split among the rest of us.

Its important that regardless of your surroundings or dining companions, stick to your guns about your food choices. Would he have acted the same if I said I had a food allergy? Doubtful. That moment also reminded me why I chose the friends I have and I loved them all the more for allowing me to be me.

Today’s lie: People will focus more on their own food choices and stop worrying about mine.

Touchdown!

Next Sunday I will be having my parents over for football and food. It will be my mother’s birthday and what better way to celebrate than with food? However due to the lack of metabolism me and my parents are challenged with, it’s a must that the food consumed be healthy. Not just a nod to healthy with crudités and ranch dressing, actually healthy. So to plan my menu I spent Thursday night poring over Bon Appétit magazines. This yielded nothing healthy but did give me ideas for holiday meals.

I took my search to the internet where most research is now conducted by people. I sought for football food, game day treats that didn’t involve queso, fried yummies or anything with the term ‘bbq’ in it. I got nowhere fast. Then I found www.lowsodiumcooking.com. Sloppy Joes! I found a recipe with 105mg of salt. Score! Manwich has 2,400mg, the FDA recommended daily allowance. What else did I find there? Some interesting numbers:

• Most Americans not watching their sodium consume 7000-8000 mg daily
• People who avoid adding salt at the table may still consume 3000-4000 mg daily
• Many experts recommend less than 1500 mg daily for people with a history of heart trouble, high blood pressure or other risk factors for heart disease

Ponder for a moment what all those numbers mean to the average football viewer: nothing. We eat nachos, pizza, wings, burgers and many other treats, washing it all down with beer or pop and our only concern is the number on the scoreboard. I can relate! In past years I was a regular at Dos Gringos during football season, where the waitress knew to bring me an order of nachos and a pitcher of Diet Pepsi with lemon wedges. No, the Diet Pepsi didn’t balance out all the fat and salt I was eating, I just prefer the flavor over regular Pepsi. Back to my story. This was a weekly occurrence for me for the duration of the regular season and would flow into playoff; sometimes the occasional college football game too. Last year, a mere two months after beginning my eating plan, I set foot in Dos Gringos and stunned the wait staff by saying I was just there for unsweetened iced tea and to watch the game. She wasn’t too thrilled I wasn’t spending nearly as much money and I learned that people who work for tips don’t like those who essentially loiter.

After that I didn’t go back, I stayed home with a pitcher of Crystal Lite and my couch. My usual waitress wasn’t too thrilled I wasn’t spending nearly as much money and I learned that people who work for tips don’t like those who essentially loiter.

After that I didn’t go back, I stayed home (as I will this NFL season now that there is one) with a pitcher of Crystal Lite and my couch. I’d watched athletic supporters at the restaurant cramming in food like they’d just arrived from Ethiopia. I’m curious if they even enjoyed it.

 Tonight’s lie: there’s no joy in watching football if there’s no greasy food to go along with it.

Three Ring Circus

I was minding my own business on my lunch hour on Friday while out running errands. That’s when I saw hypocrisy on a bike. Some WT guy was yelling at an elderly Mexican couple, telling them they ‘better go back to Mexico’ because they are what’s bringing down America. I don’t know what prompted this statement but allow me to retort.

HEY WHITE TRASH, YOU’RE WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY. YOU’RE TOO OLD NOT TO HAVE A JOB AND TOO YOUNG TO BE RETIRED. YET I SEE YOU ON A GIRL’S SCHWINN PEDDLING DOWN THE STREET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD WITH YOUR ZZ TOP BEARD FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE, YELLING AT AN ELDERLY COUPLE CARRYING GROCERIES in the middle of the day.  WHEN THE OLD MAN YELLed FOR YOU TO COME BACK AND SAY IT TO HIS FACE, YOU CONTINUEd TO PEDAL IN THE OPPPOSITE DIRECTION WHILE SHOUTING RACIAL SLURS. REMIND ME WTH YOU’VE CONTRIBUTED THAT ALLOWS YOU TO DO THAT! Somehow I’m thinking I’m picking up the tab for you at least indirectly with government assistance. You’re welcome.

Are these the ‘American’ values that presidential hopefuls are wanting to get back to? Racial hate? Misguided bigotry (is there ever guided bigotry)? Has anyone defined what our country’s values are? Frankly I think we need to define and agree on what our values are before we can protect them. And just who gets to decide what those values are which are worth protecting? Let’s take a look at the ‘go-to’ subjects that currently campaigning politicians are using, shall we?

Family: Sure family is worth protecting. But with gay marriage becoming more of a reality one state at a time, will politicians want to protect a gay household? Sure it’s a two parent household but they’re gay, so they deserved to be marginalized because they are what bring down American values, according to neo-conservatives.

I have to argue with that. Know what brings down our country’s values? Hypocrisy. For every politician who stands before their constituents, touting the American family defined as being a husband and wife, there’s a politician with a mistress, or even better, a mister. Gays don’t erode the institution of marriage, cheating on your spouse erodes it.

Border security: Here in Arizona this is a big deal. Sadly, we have several white supremacy groups here, one of which boasts a politician as a member and the sheriff has been known to make appearances and shake hands for photo-ops with the group. Elected officials are supportive of hate groups? And voters are ok with this? I see no problem with armed guards at the border but I do have a problem with armed bar patrons, which is a new law here! Its now legal to carry firearms into bars. Because we all know how well guns and alcohol mix.

Jobs: Folks are talking about the need for jobs. I agree wholeheartedly. What I’d like to know is if these politicians (on both sides of the aisle) are campaigning, are they doing the job they’re elected to? Ponder that a moment; you have a job you want to keep so you leave it to travel around telling everyone you’re doing a great job, just not right then because you’re out telling everyone you’re doing a great job and they should allow you to continue. I can just see the look on my boss’s face if I tried that.

Unfortunately the same people who vow to ‘fight for American values’ are many of the same ones who are hurting it. I don’t believe the Democrats are getting the job done and I think the Republicans will just maintain George W’s policies. Of course I also think Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann are two of the poorest excuses for female candidates and whenever they open their mouths I fear feminism will be set back to the eighteenth century.

Today’s lie: politics will cease being a circus and instead return to the task of running the country.

My Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to me! It’s been one year today that I began the Michael Thurmond 6 Week Body Makeover. I’m 45lbs less than I was a year ago at this time. My blood pressure has gone down. I joined a gym in February and that’s been the best $30 monthly investment. I’ve upped my vitamin and water intake, much to the pleasure of my cardiologist. My wardrobe choices have expanded while my waistline hasn’t.

I got out of bed that first morning, prepared to take on the day. Like an NFL player preparing to take the field, I tackled my first breakfast with determination. I was going to be healthy! I was going to shed this weight! I was going to be hungry the entire time. So didn’t see that coming.

The first week of my new plan was awful after that initial burst of resolve. There was no talk in the Thurmond books about side effects.  By getting rid of the unhealthy items I’d been consuming, my body was flushing things out and I was left feeling lethargic, with flu-like symptoms. My auntie Candi, who was also following the meal plan, had the same problem. I truly thought I was getting sick so I sent myself home that day from work. The headaches and achiness lasted about three days. The hunger felt like it was never satiated. That’s what happens when you stretch your stomach to accommodate large portions of food. By Friday I stood in my friend Jennifer’s office practically in tears because I felt so out of sorts. Did I mention Jennifer’s the owner of a great little baking business called Southern Flour? I was a member of her test group for new recipes. Oh how I coveted that position. Oh how I yearned for a metabolism to keep pace with my gluttony.

I’ve no clue what drug addiction feels like but I couldn’t stop thinking about sugar. I’d have dreams about ice cream sundaes which I don’t care for. I found myself talking back to television commercials, especially Papa John’s because their pizza was my heroin. Cookies and cupcakes from Southern Flour were in the back of my mind. Fortunately for me, Jennifer was supportive, told me she was so proud of me and never once offered me any of her yummy treats.

Reflecting on that first week now makes me smile. The first weekend without fried foods wasn’t pleasant. Who wants grilled tilapia and steamed broccoli when its football season and nachos are available? I was such a hermit that first week, indeed that first month. I needed to learn new habits, stop the vicious cycle of eating for comfort, to alleviate boredom. That first weekend I cleaned like a meth addict on a binge. I was up early, the shaking had stopped but I still couldn’t have coffee. Ok coffee was ok but no dairy products allowed at first. I hate the flavor of black coffee so I was drinking all sorts of teas. One more cup of steaming Early Grey and I was going to start talking like a Harry Potter character.

But then day six arrived. Ah, day six. I woke up and for the first time since my mid-twenties, there was no swelling in my calves. I felt lighter, buoyant, even! I got dressed for work and was pleased that my pants were a bit loose at the waist. My shoes fit better too. Day six will be firmly in my consciousness for years to come because it was the moment I realized I finally found an eating plan that wasn’t a fad, that I could maintain, albeit not always happily, and was finally on solid footing for weight loss.

On this one year anniverary I got up and admired my toned calves and look forward to slipping into my new slacks. The replacement pair because my old ones are three sizes too big.

Today's lie: weight loss wasn't at all difficult or worth it.

An open letter to President of the United States, Barrack Obama

Dear Mr. Obama,

I watched your inauguration with coworkers in a conference room, crying with joy that someone other than a rich, white, old man would be leading the country. I booed when I saw George W and hissed when Dick Cheney was in his wheelchair. Those two men have wrought all sorts of wrong-doing to this country and the arrogance on constant display throughout their terms was nearly unbearable.

I didn’t expect you to wave a magic wand and fix the country’s troubles in the first 100 days you were in office. I knew there would be a period of adjustment and I cheered as the rest of the world did when you took your walk down Pennsylvania Avenue. I knew you had a hard row to hoe but also knew you were a Democrat in the Clinton way of thinking; bipartisan, charismatic, earnestly trying to lead the country out of eight years of darkness.

But as we’re moving toward the 2012 presidential race, I’ve grown disheartened, Barrack. Can I call you Barrack? Can I presume a false sense of intimacy? I feel like we had an understanding, Barrack. You laid out your plans for the country, asked for my trust and vote and I gave you both. I’ve watched you be a strong figure people could rally behind, people who are not rich, old, white males, but a champion of common folks.

Now 2011 is moving towards the final months, I’ve watched you capitulate to the Republicans in a way that turns my stomach. I’ve watched John Boehner and Eric Cantor take center stage. Moving your speech because it interfered with Boehner’s? Taking it in the ear during the debt ceiling talks? The Republicans were actually gleeful they’d dug in their heels and refused to negotiate. And you allowed that. I’m sure you were in a very tricky position because you wanted to keep the country moving forward. But this same conservative group who has been held the country hostage for eight years is going to be back in power if you don’t make some serious changes.

This weekend I see you’re in my home state of Michigan, telling unemployed work auto workers to push their local governments to create jobs. I’m sure someone must have told you blue collar workers typically vote Democrat so why are you giving them a reason to vote GOP? Telling people to demand their state government create jobs isn’t going to work. Instead why don’t you tell national corporations who are sitting on enormous piles of cash, to do some hiring? THAT will get the economy moving in the right direction. But who controls big corporations? That’s right Barrack, Republicans.

I watched some of the Republican debates earlier this summer and was horrified by most of the speakers. Newt can’t be trusted. Bachmann’s too polarizing. Rick Perry’s way too God-oriented to win. But I’m sad to say I was drawn in by John Huntsman. A Republican actually got my attention, Barrack.  To paraphrase The American President ‘You’re so busy trying to keep your job that you’re not doing your job’.

I feel like one of those political wives who are betrayed publicly; beyond angry yet stand next to their cheating husband. I’m too mad to even look you in the eye but I’m standing there anyway, giving support when its no longer worth it. My support and trust are no longer worth anything until you need me.

I am no politician; I don’t know how D.C. works. Or I actually do understand how that snake pit works and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But this is the path you’ve chosen and I respect that. However if I can be so bold as to offer a bit of advice as a potential voter: bring the GOP to heel, Barrack. Put the presidential smackdown on them and remind the country why we voted for you in the first place.  

Sincerely,
A Sad Democrat

Eve of Eats

Happy Labor Day! The holiday was originally started as a way to celebrate the economic and social contributions of American workers. Its since devolved into a day of sales at the mall or sleeping off Sunday night’s hangover. Many also use this day as a bookend to Memorial Day; an end-of-summer barbeque with friends and family is pretty common.

But I remember this day for a bigger reason than an extra day to sleep in. One year ago today, I was having my final meal with friends (yup it was BBQ) and enjoying that last bit of summer fun before beginning my new meal plan, which is now incorporated into my life and less like a diet.

Last year I sat with friends at Lucille’s and ate pulled pork on a thick bun slathered with honey BBQ sauce (the bun was slathered in sauce, not me, I’m not that kind of girl), creamy cole slaw, sipped a regular Pepsi, noshed on corn bread with honey butter and marveled that all the items I was consuming somehow had animal fat as a key ingredient. Fried green tomatoes, fried okra, I had corn on the cob, greens cooked in ham hocks and topped all that off with peach cobbler. I’m not sure where I put that last item but that wasn’t the point. I was enjoying my version of The Last Supper.

I’d prepared for this day. I’d both dreaded and relished its arrival. I’d purchased groceries based on this new meal plan. I’d purged the pantry and removed all items from my fridge that contained salt, fat, sugar and white flour. I’d spent over two hours at the grocery store the previous evening, poring over labels and had been stunned at the ‘nutritional value’ of things. I had my eating plan posted on my fridge, the meals had been prepared for the coming week and labeled. I was armed (large and un-toned arms) with knowledge of my body type and how it burned fat.

That night I went to bed with an overly full tummy, excited with the prospect of finally getting a handle on my love handles. I didn’t know what that first week would bring, I just knew I wanted to feel better about myself and felt I’d finally found a way to do that.

Tomorrow’s the one year anniversary of this eating plan and I’ll share all my stats and progress.

Holiday edition lie: this way of eating wasn’t at all worth it.