Reality Bites

I lost my job last Thursday. I’m not crying about it since I could read the writing on the wall and planned accordingly from a financial standpoint. I went home and immediately made plans. I’m feeling confident with my plans and today I even had an interview. But here’s what’s bugging me. As inconsequential as it is, I’m annoyed by the Kardashians and their ilk. Don’t get me wrong, they’re a photogenic bunch but I’m pounding the pavement for work and their whole claim to fame is a video of Kim getting pounded by a then-boyfriend who allegedly leaked the video. She parlayed that into a dazzling career and brought along the rest of the family so now there’s a huge Kardashian empire. Correct me if I’m wrong but that family has made a fortune off Kim lying on her back. They’ve got books, fragrances, clothing stores, clothing lines for Sears, shoes, accessories. Her brother, who seems to be comfortable living off his sisters collectively, is even on Dancing with the Stars this season. I don’t watch that show but it’s a show that by its very name, is meant to showcase stars. Meaning celebrities. What the Hell has Rob Kardashian ever contributed to society?

And while I’m picking apart reality show stars, why does Levy Johnson continue to show up in the news? He knocked a teenager up when he was in high school. Granted, it was the daughter of a politician running on a deeply conservative platform so that makes for awesome fodder on Jon Stewart’s show. But please, can someone enlighten me on how he’s got a book out and I haven’t?

Yes, I’ve been writing a book for the last three years. Don’t mistake this for being something that will make its way to the Library of Congress. It won’t be part of a college reading list and no one will reference it in their term papers. But it’s my thoughts, my world, dedicated on paper. It’s still a work in progress but I’m pleased with it thus far. But back to my griping.

I can’t cook well (Top Chef, Chopped), I can’t design clothes (Project Runway), I’m not confused with any professional mannequin (America’s Next Top Model) and I refuse to whore myself out to marry a wealthy man (Millionaire Matchmaker). Oh and you’ll not see me on an island plotting a coup (Survivor) or, should I ever getting married, parading my union as a Real Housewife of Some City. And do not get me started on the Jersey Shore cast.

My point is I’m working my ass off to get a job, to get noticed among a sea of other candidates in a slow economy and I get nowhere. Yet these nobodies are on magazine covers, doing book tours and on talk shows like The View. They may be punch lines for Anderson Cooper and given witty nicknames on Perez Hilton’s website but they’re known, for however briefly, in the country’s collective consciousness. Short of committing a heinous crime (Casey Anthony), I want to know what it takes to get noticed in a positive way. I’m not seeking fame and I’m sure not looking to have my little stories turned into a series for tweens (Twilight and Vampire Diaries) but is there nothing out there I can do that pays the bills until I get published? Something that allows me to retain some sort of integrity while I studiously craft my tales of murder and romance wrapped in wit?

Today’s lie: if Jackie Collins, Stephanie Meyer and any Kardashian can get published, maybe I can too.